I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
why is half of my head shaved?
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