i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
