i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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