He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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