I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
