I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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