My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
