I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
