a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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