I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
