Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
