did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
