Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
