I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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