the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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