Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
