Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
