I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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