I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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