Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
