gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
