Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
