I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she woke up with a sticky ear
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
