We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
