Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
