no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
