She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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