I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
