Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
