During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
