My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
