I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
50% drunk capacity currently
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
