Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
