marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You dont lie about slip and slides
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
