You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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