I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He has the fingertips of a God
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