Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
