Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
