It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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