90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
