taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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