forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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