i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
