she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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