don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
stop calling my apartment porn island.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
