It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
