I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
