so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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