just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
