So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
