he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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