Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
