I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You should frame my arrest warrant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
