Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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