It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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