oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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