You smell like a Billy Joel song
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
